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Kafka’s Hospital

February 25, 2010

Things Your Partner Should Not Do During Dinner No. 12:  Attempt to show them a website on different types of baby poo, complete with high-definition pictures.

A One-Act Play by Harold “Debs” Pinter

Scene: Geneva Hospital

Act 1 – Hospital reception (translated from French)

Receptionist: So the appointment is for Alika?

Mother: Yes

Receptionist: Ok, I’ll just call and see if you need labels. Calls on phone

No labels needed. You can go up now.

Scene: Children’s Ward

Nurse: Do you have the labels for Alika?

Mother: They said we didn’t need labels.

Nurse: No. You do. Can papa go and get them from the receptionist?

Scene: Hospital Reception

Father: Can we have the labels for Alika?

Receptionist: You don’t need them.

Father: Apparently we do.

Receptionist: Let me check. Calls on phone. No. And anyway, I don’t give out labels.

Father: You’re sure?

Receptionist: Yes. Go back up.

Scene: Children’s Ward

Mother: Where have you been? The nurses were about to send out a search party for you!

Nurse: Did you get the labels?

Father: No.

Nurse: We need the labels now.

Father: She won’t give them. Ok. I’ll go back.

Nurse: To mother: Is your husband an idiot?

Scene: Hospital Reception

Father enters jumping 10 people waiting in line

Father: Begging We really need the labels apparently.

Receptionist: Let me call. Ok. You need labels. Here they are.

Scene: Children’s Ward

Father: Here are the labels for Alika.

Nurse: Takes 4 labels out of 12 and hands them back to the father. Take the rest of the labels to the receptionist.

Father: Huh?

Scene: Hospital Reception

Father: They asked me to give the labels back.

Receptionist: That’s never happened before. Why are you giving them back?

Father: They asked me to.

Scene: Children’s Ward

Doctor enters: Ah…this is little Alika. Where are her labels?

Father: I gave them to the receptionist.

Doctor: Why?

Father: I was asked to.

Doctor: We need them. I’ll go get them. Disappears never to come back.

Father, mother and Alika exit stage left realising they had accidently gone to a circus rather than a hospital.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. ella permalink
    February 25, 2010 2:42 pm

    hahaha was the receptionist called debs?

  2. bigger of 2 sis permalink
    February 27, 2010 8:16 am

    …bloody funny. Hard question for the mother about the papa’s idiocy… Dostoyevsky lives too…

  3. federay permalink
    February 27, 2010 10:11 am

    I am so glad it is not just the NHS.
    It is some kind of Swiss Parenting test you realise… or actually perhaps you will one day see yourself on some Swiss Candid Camera televsion programme, wandering aimlessly around the hospital while a studio audience wails with laughter…
    The latter, I reckon.

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